Newsletter 8 - Social Pain

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Newsletter 8 - Social Pain

“Pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional”

“La douleur est inevitable. La souffrance est optionnelle (facultative)”

― Haruki Murakami

Covid, a war, a lonely Holiday season, social networks, inflation, political disagreements, family feuds, office politics…and stories we tell ourselves, are all causes for SOCIAL PAIN.

Social pain is experienced when you are:

• feeling rejected or abandoned (from a social group, by a loved one)

• bullied

• struggling with the loss of a loved one

• lacking regular contact with people who value you

• (feeling) devalued

• (feeling) disconnected

• (feeling) ostracized

Whether these things are really happening or whether we think they are happening doesn't make a difference to the brain. The brain will receive this pain as…well, pain.

Litterally: the same brain regions that register distress from physical pain are active when we experience social pain.

Like physical pain, social pain exists for a reason: it alerts us to threats to our well-being.

(The idea is that in order to not feel these unpleasant emotions, we will avoid the type of behavior which would hinder our social relationships. Not wanting to feel pain is part of the reason why we strive to maintain intact relationships even when we might not always feel like it).

How can we deal with social pain? Well:

• You can take Tylenol (also known as paracetamol in Europe). I kid you not.

• Acknowledge your pain as exactly what it is : pain.

And also :

• Exercise - it releases endorphines (which incidentally serve as natural morphine of the body) but also dopamine and serotonine (which are in part responsible for your happy feelings)

• Bring to mind some nice memories and good times

• Reach out to people who value and appreciate you

• Don't make things a bigger deal than they need to be (easier said then done, but hey, you do want to stop the pain, right?)

• Seek profesional help if it's just too much and you don't know how to make the pain stop

If you're curious about social painyou should click here

And if you want to go back on my other newsletters that cover all kinds of brain related, language related, coaching related fascinating subjects, I suggest you go tomy newsletter webpage